Tipping Crooks
by Dan Senn

Click PLAY and read text aloud (see L46).
See Performance Note.

It started when
the sad sack waitress
overcharged me
at a restaurant
not far from my
Prague flat
a few years ago.

As a dim witted
I not only paid
the inflated price,
but tipped the woman
on top!

As I left the restaurant
I realized
what had happened
looking back
through the glass
to see the waitress
chuckling it up
with a co-worker.

Angry at myself,
I resolved
never to return.
I’d vote with my business,
just as my parents had.

A year later,
I was walking by
the same restaurant
and saw the same
dour waitress
and wondered
if she would
screw me again.

So, I entered,
made the same order,
got overcharged,
and tipped her
just like before.

As I left, again,
she was as happy
as a spring trout…
and so was I.

This was the beginning
of a bi-weekly visit
where my primary purpose
was to cheer up
this flop of a waitress.

For about two years
this went on
when, in the spring,
the woman charged me
the correct amount
and, so…
I refused to tip her.

When I left,
going to my
window spot,
 she was sneering
directly  at me
as if to say
“Gotcha again,
you stupid yank.”

And so my
ruse was over.

The food wasn't
that good
and I never returned,
that is, until
a year later
just to find
the restaurant
had been replaced
by a Vietnamese

I will be more careful
next time.

DS 071909, ©Dan Senn 2019
Přični Řez on Přična in Prague.
Restaurant was in Andél
across from Bus Stop.


Performance Note:
Read first paragraph before starting sound
and then fast enough to complete
just after recording ends

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